The Cazenovia Curmudgeon: And He’s Back!

By Donald Krueger

(Cazenovia – Nov. 25, 2009) Ah, it’s good to be back. Back on the printed page, that is, thanks to Managing Editor Martha Conway and the folk at the Madison County Courier. And good to have my longtime alter-moniker back and to have hard copy again for the great-grandkids to someday in the future find in the attic: “Was great-grand-dad really a grumpy old man?”

Some of you may recall that the Cazenovia Curmudgeon disappeared from the pages of that other weekly newspaper back at the end of last year when its big bosses over in the big city decided they didn’t appreciate their columnists’ efforts enough to send old Andrew Jackson to buy us an occasional lunch at Dave’s Diner at Common Grounds here in Caz.

For those of you who missed the introduction to my column and the explanation of its title oh those many years ago (years, but I’m still a “newcomer” to the ancients and honorable of Cazenovia), when I arrived at my then-as-yet-unseen new home in Caz – from Worcester, Mass., by way of Seattle, Wash., I found a shingle hung out, actually, a small brass plaque on the front door saying, “Cazenovia Curmudgeon.” Thanks to the really neat real estate lady Nancy Holland, whom I had met on an earlier visit to Cazenovia and who apparently learned of my natural inclination to contrariness from my daughter and former wife.

It followed that now-the-Courier’s Martha Conway, then editor of that other paper, ran a photo of the plaque along with an account of other well-known curmudgeons, such as Oscar Wilde, H.L. Mencken, Groucho Marx, Dorthy Parker and Andrew Rooney. Bless her heart, but I’ll never be in their class, nor will I ever be invited to join the Algonquin Round Table.

Dictionary definitions of curmudgeon go something like: “an irascible, churlish person,” and “a bad-tempered, disagreeable or stubborn person (origin unknown).”

I prefer Jon Winoker’s more modern definition in his “The Portable Curmudgeon:” Anyone who hates hypocrisy and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner.”

As H.L. Mencken’s = “Democracy and the Art of Running the Circus from the Monkey Cage.”

Or, “In this world of sin and sorry, there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.” And “We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”

As for the Cazenovia Curmudgeon, I’ll be writing about those topics everyone’s grandma said we shouldn’t discuss if we want to get along: sex, politics and religion. I’ll add education to the list, since it seems everyone hereabouts seems to think his or her schools are doing a good job.

Chittenango’s may have made one of those national magazine’s “Best” lists a couple of years ago, but…so good they can’t be better?

This being a family newspaper, I will have to leave sex out of its pages, steamy sex, anyway, except maybe for an occasional question, “Why are our young people…?” Never mind. Everything else though: Cazenovia Central School District Superintendent says, despite evidence to the contrary, our school kids are learning to write. That was in response to my asking him why those second-graders’ (assigned in class!) letters to Santa Claus, published in tht other paper are, well, with the occasional exception just plain illiterate, cute but dumb.

Does the school administration care about what teachers are doing or not doing in their classrooms? Do parents? If they do, why don’t they say something? Year after year…? Do parents care that their kids are ‘left behind,’ “…sitting quietly and doing nothing,” as one student said, while a very few others, during regular school hours, are bused in taxpayer-funded school buses, to local churches for “religious instruction,” (note: not education; dogma and discipline, conformity and obedience) during the time we school taxpayers are expecting education.

Do our kids study the U.S. Constitution?

It will soon be the season to be jolly. Do people know what they are celebrating with their trips to the malls? Those second-graders seem to think it’s Santa’s birthday. Maybe so, since baby Joshua (the one Christians call “Jesus”) wasn’t born in the dead of winter during the Roman festival of saturnalia, time for good, old-fashioned orgies. Besides, there are too many holidays coming at this time of year, anyway. Too much abuse of wallet and credit cards and nerves all at once.

A lot to write about, and I hope a lot to provoke readers’ responses (Mr. R. B.?) In the meantime, if you want to read up on topics for contrarians, I gave a subscription to the Cazenovia Public Library to “Free Inquiry,” published by that hot-bed of “secular humanism,” also known as, “atheism,” the Center for Inquiry up in Amherst, N.Y.

Someone else will have to give a subscription to “The Funny Times,” which the “Washington Post” calls “the best leftist magazine in America.”

Donald W. Krueger of Cazenovia is a retired professor and active contrarian. Readers can email him at madnews@m3pmedia.com.

One Comment on "The Cazenovia Curmudgeon: And He’s Back!"

LTC Daniel Marvin, US Army Special Forces (Ret'd) on Sat, 28th Nov 2009 5:23 pm

Donald – Please know I will always have the highest regard for you and want only that you would permit me to lead you to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour so we could be together in Heaven. If that makes me a monster, an evil person, or a trouble-maker – so be it.

In Christian Love,
Dangerous Dan

The Cazenovia Curmudgeon: And He’s Back!

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