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Bring on 2012

January 7, 2012 By 3 Comments
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A Flame This High

By Margo Frink

(Jan. 2012) I could ask “how can 2012 be any worse than 2011 was?” But why jinx it? I got through it, but not unscathed because I’m a firm believer that every catastrophe in your life changes you somehow.  It nibbles at you like a mouse eating cheese until there is nothing left. So, what do you do? Let the rat have it all? I think not.

In life’s little book of ups and downs, we laugh, we cry, we sometimes get the girl but we don’t live happily ever after. So, we suck it up, tough it out and do the best we can.

I don’t make New Year resolutions. I used to but I’ll be honest, I lacked the “stickability” to stay with anything. For those that do make them and really stick to them, more power to you. I applaud you.

Instead of promising myself I will do this and not do that in the coming year, I reflect on the year that passed. Was I productive? How did I make a difference somewhere? What went wrong? What could I have done better? What were the good things that happened?

No, we can’t change the past but we can use it as a tool to help us achieve success in the future, to help us learn and grow.

One aspect of my life that I’ve been working on for years but got hit in the head with big time in 2011 was some things are just out of my control. No matter what I do or how I live my life, I just can’t control what other people do. Fight club is over.

I also discovered that no matter how hard you work, you are not always rewarded in the end.

I know, right? You’re probably thinking I should already know this stuff and life’s not fair and so on. But when you’re so focused, sometimes it’s hard to see outside the circle.

Personal growth is THE most important gift you can give yourself. I have to say the heck with everyone else. Because you are no good to anyone else until you feel good about you.

Part way into 2011 I decided that I wasn’t going to try to please everyone and always do what was expected. I think I will carry that into 2012.

In 2011 I realized and contend with having the most demanding pets on the face of the earth.

I accepted the fact that broccoli and carrots can be a meal’s side dishes and I can live without cream in my coffee, although I prefer it with.

I learned the proper way to lift weights.

I found out an electronic cigarette is a great alternative to smoking and promised myself to stay at it in hopes of living tobacco free.

Music truly does soothe the soul and dancing is a great stress-reliever.

Through adversity I found out who my friends were and discovered people that care.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

My husband really is my best friend and I have some amazing relatives but found out some of my family doesn’t know me at all.

Loving someone but not liking them can happen.

Prayer is powerful.

2011 challenged me and nearly broke me but I have to remind myself, it could have been worse. So, come on 2012. Bring it.

 Margo Frink is vice president of M3P Media LLC and managing editor of the Madison County Courier. She can be reached at Margo@m3pmedia.com or 315-481-8732.

 

Filed Under: A Flame This High, Opinion-Editorial Tagged With: , ,

New Site, New Look

March 11, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Margo Frink

Our new site is finally live, which is really good news, although we still have many features we plan to add or delete or just plain tweak.

We are sorry for the inconvenience. The new look took a bit longer than we anticipated but sometimes you just can’t rush a good thing.

Our goal has always been to bring you local news and community events, most of which would not be possible if not for you, the people of Madison County. We plan to continue that as we work through our changes.

Any issues that you find while maneuvering through the pages, we may already know about and are working on. But there may be some issues that we haven’t discovered yet. If you find any, let us know.

Phil King, our technical guru has been working diligently to bring this new site to life.

If you signed up for our newsletter and are not receiving it in your mailbox every day, let us know.

Just jot an email with any concerns to phil@m3pmedia.com or madnews@m3pmedia.com.

Margo Frink is vice president of M3P Media LLC and managing editor of the Madison County Courier. She can be reached at margo@m3pmedia.com or 315-481-8732.

Filed Under: A Flame This High, All News Stories Tagged With: , ,

A Flame this High: Bully You

December 4, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Margo_Frink

By Margo Frink

Bullying, an intimidator’s favorite pastime, has once again become a focus of many discussions lately, what with the recent events that took place at a bus stop involving middle school-aged children. I don’t pretend to know all the facts about that incident; only police reports. And I will let the legal system handle the outcome. But this prompted me to think about my own situation.

Unbeknownst to me, I recently become the victim of an adult bully. Before I go any further, my bully is someone I barely know and at first I blew them off as a critic.

I say unbeknownst because I had no idea I was being bullied. I know, right? If you know me you probably can’t believe it. When I say recently, I mean over the past six months or so, on and off.

I had to do my research and man, did I find some stuff out there I had no idea existed. There are so many types of bullies and I won’t touch on all of them; only what I think pertains to me.

In an article written by Edel Jarbo titled, “I’m Rubber and You’re Glue: Handling Emotional Bullies,” emotional bullies are defined as “when someone tries to gain control by making others feel angry or afraid. It is characterized by verbal abuse such as name-calling, sarcasm, incessant teasing, threatening, mocking, putting down, belittling, ignoring, and lying. Also known as adult and workplace bullying, emotional bullying also includes such abuse as exclusion from a group, tormenting, ganging up on others, or humiliation. Moreover, this type of bullying also extends to racially or sexually abusive comments and behavior.”

In the same article Psychotherapist Peg Burr is quoted as saying, “Like any other symptom of emotional damage, or even, like a physical illness. It may help you to view the bully as emotionally crippled and sociologically hindered, so that you can see how desperate and ineffective all his or her anger and lashing out is.”

Well, I sure do feel better.

Like I said before, there are so many types of bullies I had to find the best definition that fit mine. I think my bully is either one or a combination of the following that I found during my research:

Sadistic, narcissistic bully defined as: Lacks empathy for others. Has low degree of anxiety about consequences. Narcissistic need to feel omnipotent. May appear to have a high self esteem but it is actually a brittle narcissism.

Cyber bully: This includes hateful emails and cyber stalking. It can be seen as intimidation.

Verbal bullies: Verbal bullies use words to hurt or humiliate another person. Verbal bullying includes name-calling, insulting, making racist comments and constant teasing. This type of bullying is the easiest to inflict on others. It is quick and to the point. It can occur in the least amount of time available, when no one else is around and its effects can be more devastating in some ways than physical bullying because there are no visible scars.

And I believe my bully may be part of “Gang bullies” described as: The primary bully gathers a number of followers. He may be a loud, highly visible leader. If he is a quieter sort, his role may be more insidious. Some members of the group may actively enjoy being part of the bullying. They like the reflected power of the primary bully. If the primary bully leaves the organization, and the institution does not change, one of these individuals may step in to fill the shoes of the primary bully. Others of the gang join in because they feel coerced. They fear that if they do not participate, they will be the next victims. Indeed some of these individuals do become victims at some point in time.

Sounds twisted to me like some sort of psychotic cult.

According to Valerie Cade, founder of bullyfree@work.com, bullies aren’t interested in having win-win conversations that resolve differences. They are interested in gaining power over another person. She also writes that you can’t usually get along with one. And don’t expect to win over the bully or convince him or her to stop bullying. That’s as impossible as expecting pigs to fly or leopards to change their spots.

So, what do you do? I can tell you what I’ve done from the beginning: ignored the person. That’s right. I’m not giving my bully power over me. And remember, if you are being bullied, it’s not because of anything you did. It’s NOT you, it’s THEM.

My bully has bullied me in the form of emails to me and my colleagues and not face-to-face, so I’ve been able to avoid confrontation. And proves to me how weak that person really is. I know it’s harder to walk away in person and this is how the situation can escalate and become physical, but do so. Walk away and it makes them look weak.

I found this tagline on a website and feel compelled to share it: “Those Who Can, Do. Those Who Can’t, Bully.”

Margo Frink is vice president and managing editor of M3P Media LLC. She can be reached at margo@m3pmedia.com or 315-481-8732.

Filed Under: A Flame This High, Front Page, Opinion-Editorial Tagged With: ,

A Flame This High: Political ‘poo-poo’

November 6, 2010 By Leave a Comment

By Margo Frink

Hallelujah! If you’re reading this the elections are over. Now the world’s a better place.

If you were reelected, consider yourself lucky. It’s not because you were doing a bang-up job. Most likely voters found your opponent unworthy or they just voted along party lines.

If you are newly-elected you should also consider yourself lucky. Voters were most likely fed up with the incumbent and decided to vote the rascal out.

It’s sad but true. Every person that I spoke with said they had no idea how they were going to vote. If candidates meant to confuse voters by bashing their opponent, then it worked.

Each day leading up to the elections I received no less than two pieces of political mail in my mailbox. In the beginning I would read each piece carefully. Many times a picture of the candidate’s opponent was on their mailing. I say, dumb move. It was publicity for the opponent, whether it showed them in a negative light or not, it was still publicity.

I wish I would have kept each piece of mail from the onset. If anyone did, let me know how many pieces you collected. I’d be interested to know.

It gave me an idea for a new invention; the outdoor paper shredder. I could mount it right to the mailbox and all I’d have to do is open the door and shred right there. Junk mail would never have to clutter up my counters or kitchen table again. If I was real cleaver I could get my mail carrier to do it for me. Doubtful but one can dream.

I figure one giant tree was cut up and made into paper just for all the political mail I received. I guess those candidates who claim to be environmentally conscious fell into a deep state of unconsciousness.

And all the money spent could most like feed our nation’s hungry for at least a year. I know, it’s a necessary evil and change is going to come, people. Haven’t you heard?

I think caller ID was one of the greatest inventions to every grace my phone. I got real good at picking up and immediately hanging up. It’s tough not to answer the phone in my business and I did get caught a few times because the number was deceiving.

I ran into a local politician who asked me, “None of those calls were for me were they? Because I never authorized any.”

I told him I didn’t know because I never listened long enough. Just another political waste of time, or what I call “political poo-poo.”

Another great invention is the digital video recorder or DVR, direct from your program provider. I record most shows I like and watch them later. I can fast forward right through the commercials. Sweet!

So you may be asking yourself, where does one find the truth about a politician or the best possible arena for deciding who to vote for? I did watch debates, political forums and read newspaper articles. You can always visit websites to find out what issues incumbents voted on and pieces of legislation proposed. If you don’t like what you read, most have a challenger.

Still, it was a tough one.

If you were elected, do what got you there. Walk the talk. Because I for one have heard for the last 12 years that jobs are going to come and that taxes and health care costs in New York are out of control. Nothing changes if nothing changes. So, be the change, and good luck.

Margo Frink is vice president and managing editor of M3P Media LLC. She can be reached at Margo@m3pmedia.com or at 315-481-8732.

Did you read our top story? Visit www.MadisonCountyCourier.com

Filed Under: A Flame This High, Front Page, Government & Politics, Opinion-Editorial Tagged With: , ,

A Flame this High: A pound of bananas is still a pound of bananas

September 20, 2010 By Leave a Comment

By Margo Frink

I’m trying to figure out what creative ways food manufacturers can come up with to continue giving us less while charging us more. Do you think a can of tuna is going to shrink to four ounces? I do. Have you noticed how narrow a box of cereal has become?

It’s been talked about, people complain about it but consumers continue to spend money on products where packaging has steadily dwindled.

I like yogurt and was wandering the dairy case a few months back when the cup sizes first shrunk. I spouted off to man standing there about how the size had gotten smaller. He replies with, “You don’t really need any more than what is in the cup.” He didn’t get it. And most consumers are stupid. That’s just what the manufacturers are banking on; dumb consumers.

I boycott those small containers of yogurt. I buy the larger size and scoop out what I want. I know people like those small cups to take to work but if you use your own container you reduce your carbon footprint at the same time. (Jim Bona would be so proud of me).

They try to be subtle by putting a quarter-ounce less in the package and then spoof up their packaging with words that tell you how great their product is. They are not fooling me. I get so annoyed. I feel like most of my choices are taken away too; either I pay the price for less or don’t buy it at all. (Shopping with me is a real treat. You should try it sometime).

And don’t get me started on coupons. Most of the time those manufacturer coupons want you to buy two of something to save 50 cents. I gave up on them a long time ago because there are so many generic products that I buy, especially cleaning products. I can’t believe people think they need to spend $10 or more for a container of soap to get their clothes clean.

A couple of years ago around the holidays I found this recipe for almond joy fudge. Sounds fabulous, doesn’t it? It was. The recipe called for a 10-ounce bag of coconut but all I could find was 7-ounce bags. This is the area where the manufacturers really mess with you. Grandma’s recipes need tweaking, I can tell you that.

I picked up this loaf of bread recently because the price was right. I almost fell over when I opened it and the slices were smaller. I didn’t think they’d stoop so low to mess with a slice of bread. I felt cheated, remembered the brand and will not buy it again.

Remember when you could buy a pound of chips, or a half-gallon of ice cream, or a pound of coffee? Remember when soup was in a 12-ounce can and sugar was sold in five-pound containers? Good luck. And manufacturers that do continue to keep their packaging the same, must charge a higher price and consumers won’t pay believing the price is too much. In all actuality this is most likely your better buy, although it’s hard to find any manufacturers today that haven’t reduced packaging sizes.

Look at the unit price some time. The price of the product may be higher, but the unit price is lower. If that’s the case then you are getting the best deal for your money.

But a pound of bananas is still a pound of bananas. They can raise the price per pound but they can’t mess with the package. A gallon of milk is still a gallon of milk; for now that is.

Margo Frink is vice president and managing editor of M3P Media, LLC. She can be reached at Margo@m3pmedia.com or 315-481-8732.

Filed Under: A Flame This High, Front Page, Opinion-Editorial Tagged With: , ,

A Flame This High: Adventure at Sea, ‘er Oneida Lake

August 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Margo_Frink

I hate to say it but the summer is nearly over. I haven’t really been enjoying this hot, humid weather but I like not having to wear socks. I know, it sounds lame but it’s one of the things I love about summer besides flip-flops and ice cold beer.

And I’m still waiting for that boat ride my brother promised me. He didn’t really promise but I tell him he did.

I grew up on Oneida Lake; not literally but my parents owned a boat and when I was a kid we spent long, holiday weekends on some waterway and most Sundays boating on Oneida Lake. I miss it.

Last year, my brother and his wife treated Jeff and I to a ride. My choice was to head from the south shore of Oneida Lake to Fisher Bay Restaurant in Bridgeport where we had dinner. It was a beautiful early evening. The air was still and warm and the lake was smooth as glass. Needless to say, it was dark on the ride back so we followed the buoy lights home. I love the way the lake air feels against my face when skidding across the water. It was great.

We keep saying we are going to get ourselves a boat and have been looking for the past couple of years. Not sure when we’d have time to enjoy it, though. He works every other weekend and I work every day, but for a few hours, so it’s hard to justify. In the meantime I will just keep on taking what I can get.

I remember a ride about eight years ago. I was asked to write a story on a boating club so I jumped at the chance. I won’t mention any names, some I’ve forgotten anyway. My husband was working nights at the time so I asked if I could bring my daughter along. She was about 13 or 14 then.

We meet this couple- for the very first time – at the pier and the four of us climb aboard. It was around the dinner hour or so. Me with my notebook and camera in hand and my youngster clad in lifejacket, we head out to open waters. She was and still is a better swimmer than I am but it was a requirement.

It was a breezy, early evening and as I breathed in all my surroundings I took notes as the two explained who they are and what they do. I snapped probably one of the most beautiful photos of a sailboat gliding across a sunset. This was before I owned a digital camera and the snapshot is long gone, unfortunately.

As we were about to head back, something went wrong. The motor wouldn’t start. Or it would start and stall. I wasn’t really alarmed. I was sure it was temporary. I’m not sure what the problem was and felt pretty helpless as I sat there with my arm around my kid. Did I mention I was on a sailboat? First time, too. You can see why I jumped at the chance to go. The sails were down and wouldn’t have done much good if they were up because once the sun started to set, all was calm.

As the two feverishly worked to restore the engines, they took to bickering. Now, I’m no stranger to bickering and had all I could do not to chuckle. Remember, we had never met before. Usually you know a couple a bit before you get the pleasure of an argument. They kept apologizing to me over and over again…about the boat, not the bickering.

I guess I can understand why they were upset. Apparently this was a problem they assumed was fixed. You know how that is; take thing to repair shop, thing comes back still not right. Take thing back.

Then they throw in the kicker. He can’t see at night. He has night blindness. Now I become a tad alarmed but I don’t want to scare my kid. If they do get the boat running again, hopefully before it becomes too dark, who is going to bring it home? She has never done it by herself but is confident she can. He, being a man, is determined to be the man and save us all.

I know this was before any of us had a cell phone and I’m not sure they had a device on board to call for help. I’m sure they had flares. Not sure he was going to use one, though. I had never left that particular harbor before and had no idea what lights or landmarks would get us back. Witnessing him trying to be the hero and her interjecting repeatedly she can do it, was fascinating to me. And all of it was way out of my control.

I thought about my husband getting up to go to work that night and finding us not there. Would he be wondering where we were? I’m sure the boat had sleeping quarters. We could have laid anchor and spent the night. I fabricated headlines: “Couple, reporter and child adrift all night on lake.” The headline would not have read, “Women, child brings blind man to safety.” He was determined.

Then the motor purred and stayed running. All was well with the engine but it was now dark.

He remained at the helm and after what seemed like an hour of left, right, straight ahead talk she guided him in perfectly. They apologized to me over and over again. Put yourself in their position. I would have been mortified if it happened to me. I kept telling them it was OK. If they only knew what a great time I had. They were the nicest couple and wherever they are, I believe whatever they do together, they cannot fail.

What I thought was going to be a relatively uneventful story – one where I got a bonus boat ride – turned into quite an adventure. What’s an adventure without a little drama? I wrote the story, complete with most excellent sunset photo. I left out all the good stuff. Some stories just take years to be told.

Margo Frink is vice president and managing editor of M3P Media, LLC. She can be reached at Margo@m3pmedia.com or 315-363-4254 or 315-481-8732.

Filed Under: A Flame This High, Front Page, Fun & Recreation, Opinion-Editorial

A Flame This High: It’s a dirty job…

August 7, 2010 By Leave a Comment

By Margo Frink

…but somebody’s got to do it. The American Heritage Dictionary (fourth edition) – complete with pictures – defines a “career” as a chosen pursuit; profession or occupation; the general progress in one’s working or professional life. It defines “job” as a regular activity performed for payment; a position in which one is employed; a task that must be done; a specific duty, responsibility. It doesn’t define a career as a profession that one receives payment for but I would expect a specific duty within one’s career would require payment. Keep that in mind when pursuing a career, hopefully one that pays.

Most of the world would consider journalism as a pretty clean, white collar profession. Just take a look at our news anchors or those crews that head out into the streets. They look pretty well put together. They always seem to be dressed impeccable with their hair tidy. I’m not sure anyone really cares what they look like but rather more interested that what they are reporting is accurate and timely enough for today’s “got to have it now news junkies.”

Contrary to popular belief, journalism is not a “glamorous” profession. And many journalists have risked their lives and died trying to bring what they consider important news and compelling stories to viewers. Who could forget Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl, whose 2002 abduction and murder in Pakistan left a family mourning and the world reeling over the video his killers released of his murder. Hundreds of news reporters, camera operators and the interpreters who accompany them the world over have been kidnapped and/or murdered covering conflicts. Others put their health at risk like NBC news correspondent David Bloom who died in 2003 in Iraq from deep vein thrombosis (DVT) after spending a cramped night in a tank. Pearl and Bloom were 38 and 39 years old, respectively.

The Journalists Memorial in Washington, DC, is dedicated to the memory of these individuals and more than 2,000 others. There also is a web site, Committee to Protect Journalists that lists the names of those missing, those abducted for hours and even months before being released and others that have been murdered.

I’m not trying to make anyone feel sorry for these journalists. They know the risks. And I would never compare my profession in local community journalism to what these “news warriors” do. I’m pretty sure if there’s a hurricane heading this way, I’m going to board up the house and venture out the next day for photos of the damage. Unlike our friends at the Weather Channel bundled up in the latest L.L. Bean fashions getting whipped around by 70 mph winds, the rain stinging their faces as trees and road signs bend behind them, just to show viewers across the country what the heck is happening in “Wherever, USA.”

But on the local level I have managed to place myself in some dirty locations, cold, wet and hot weather, and in a few scary predicaments. Over the past decade, I’ve trampled through cow pastures, swamps and bug-infested woods, and walked a mile off the beaten path in slush just to get the story. And more times than not, I’ve entered homes occupied by people that I’ve never met before. I’ve been in horse barns, pig sties and chicken coops. I’ve probably been jumped on, licked by and petted as many dogs as the average humane society volunteer.

Press conferences normally begin a half-hour after they are supposed to and in many cases they are outside, no matter the weather conditions.  The snow, sleet, rain and fog could care less if I have a board meeting 35 miles away.

On the flip side of all this, I’ve attended more dinners than you can shake a stick at where community members have been honored for volunteerism and students awarded for achievements. I’ve attended parades, festivals, fundraisers and school plays, and met so many people I’ve most likely forgotten most of their names. (I’m sorry if I did but I’m terrible with names). I’ve worked beside educators, community leaders, law enforcement and others who strive to make their hometowns places to be proud of. I’ve laughed and even cried with those people who opened up their homes to me. I’ve seen people at their best, and when I do, I forget all about the cold, rain and snow because it’s not about me.

I’m not really sure if what I do is a job or a career I fell into after years of just plain work because my life before this consisted of incongruous employment. All I know for sure is it’s been an adventure of a lifetime, an adventure I hope lasts for at least another decade.

Margo Frink is managing editor of M3P Media, LLC. She can be reached at Margo@m3pmedia.com or 315-363-4254 or 315-481-8732.

Filed Under: A Flame This High, Front Page, Opinion-Editorial

A Flame This High: I Put the

January 29, 2010 By Leave a Comment


By Margo Frink

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Filed Under: A Flame This High, Front Page, Oneida, Opinion-Editorial